BDSM – Dominator or dominated?

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You’ve probably heard about bondage and domination before but you’re probably still curious about how it all works. That’s because it is such a different concept, and in fact a different way to have sex altogether. Television and movies have their own portrayal of BDSM but it generally isn’t all that accurate. Do to break it down simply, we will just talk about the two types of people who engage into this sort of practice: the dominators and the dominated.

The dominators

A lot of us spend our lives being told what to do, from our parents telling us off, going through school and being bossed around at work. We often feel that we have a lack of control over our lives. Sex is a great way to get on top of this, but sometimes just having normal sex doesn’t quite give us that opportunity to get proper control over the situation. This is the main reason why people enjoy the concept of dominating, it allows them to take control back over their lives. It makes sense, and we can start to understand why people enjoy dominating others, but what about people who like to be dominated?

The dominated

Unlike the dominators, dominated people want to be given orders. They want to lose control and relinquish authority to someone else, which might sound strange but there can be many reasons behind this. Imagine being this big company boss where you spend all your time giving out orders to everybody. You’re always in charge, nothing gets done without your say-so. You might just reach that point where you never get to enjoy someone else taking the reins, and you might well get fed up of always being the one in charge. What better way to give up this control than taking part in a BDSM relationship where you are the one being dominated? Most of us will at least sympathise with the idea that sex is all about taking you out of your everyday problems, and sometimes you have to do a little bit more to really switch off from your everyday stresses.

What about pain?

People often wonder why pain is such a central part of BDSM. The truth is that it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes people just role-play and make use of various uniforms. But there is often that element of pain which comes in, though it doesn’t have to necessarily be whips. People sometimes just do a bit of light spanking, or they even just discipline a person to do things for them, a little bit like a slave. But when it comes to pain, it is not as simple as people just hurting each other. There is actually a lot of trust between people who role play, and they make sure put boundaries to how far they can go. This is why code words, also known as ‘safe words’ can be used to indicate that the pain is too much. All these things are agreed before the start of the act. BDSM might look scary, but it can actually be more kind than normal sex.

Where to get started

Your best bet if you are curious about BDSM is to start reading about it, there are plenty of websites which can help for this, and as usual Google is your friend. Alternatively you can always join a BDSM specialized dating website such as mybdsmhookups.com, where you can then talk to people who enjoy this kind of practice. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to people to find out more about the things you are curious about, especially when it comes to BDSM. There are a lot of rules, things-to-do and things-not-to-do; and the best way to get familiar with it all is to reach out to the right people. Whether you are more on the dominating side or the dominated one, make sure to take your time. BDSM involves a lot of care and practicing, so it is essential that you get it right if you want a good experience for you and for your partners.

 

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The Editor-in-Chief of Elust and better known to the rest of the world as Mollyxxx