You’ve probably heard about bondage and domination before but you’re probably still curious about how it all works. That’s because it is such a different concept, and in fact a different way to have sex altogether. Television and movies have their own portrayal of BDSM but it generally isn’t all that accurate. Do to break it down simply, we will just talk about the two types of people who engage into this sort of practice: the dominators and the dominated.

The dominators

A lot of us spend our lives being told what to do, from our parents telling us off, going through school and being bossed around at work. We often feel that we have a lack of control over our lives. Sex is a great way to get on top of this, but sometimes just having normal sex doesn’t quite give us that opportunity to get proper control over the situation. This is the main reason why people enjoy the concept of dominating, it allows them to take control back over their lives. It makes sense, and we can start to understand why people enjoy dominating others, but what about people who like to be dominated?

The dominated

Unlike the dominators, dominated people want to be given orders. They want to lose control and relinquish authority to someone else, which might sound strange but there can be many reasons behind this. Imagine being this big company boss where you spend all your time giving out orders to everybody. You’re always in charge, nothing gets done without your say-so. You might just reach that point where you never get to enjoy someone else taking the reins, and you might well get fed up of always being the one in charge. What better way to give up this control than taking part in a BDSM relationship where you are the one being dominated? Most of us will at least sympathise with the idea that sex is all about taking you out of your everyday problems, and sometimes you have to do a little bit more to really switch off from your everyday stresses.

What about pain?

People often wonder why pain is such a central part of BDSM. The truth is that it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes people just role-play and make use of various uniforms. But there is often that element of pain which comes in, though it doesn’t have to necessarily be whips. People sometimes just do a bit of light spanking, or they even just discipline a person to do things for them, a little bit like a slave. But when it comes to pain, it is not as simple as people just hurting each other. There is actually a lot of trust between people who role play, and they make sure put boundaries to how far they can go. This is why code words, also known as ‘safe words’ can be used to indicate that the pain is too much. All these things are agreed before the start of the act. BDSM might look scary, but it can actually be more kind than normal sex.

Where to get started

Your best bet if you are curious about BDSM is to start reading about it, there are plenty of websites which can help for this, and as usual Google is your friend. Alternatively you can always join a BDSM specialized dating website such as mybdsmhookups.com, where you can then talk to people who enjoy this kind of practice. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to people to find out more about the things you are curious about, especially when it comes to BDSM. There are a lot of rules, things-to-do and things-not-to-do; and the best way to get familiar with it all is to reach out to the right people. Whether you are more on the dominating side or the dominated one, make sure to take your time. BDSM involves a lot of care and practicing, so it is essential that you get it right if you want a good experience for you and for your partners.

 

This is a sponsored post for mybdsmhookups

rebelbowheader
Photo courtesy of Rebels Notes

Welcome to Elust #67

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #68? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out this petition to repeal the new censorship laws.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Yes, Squirting is Real (And it’s not pee.)

These men make me SO angry

Still Kinky After All These Years

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

When It Rains
You want me to read what?

 

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Due to technical difficulties there is no Readers Choice selection this month

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

How to Make Time for Kinky Fuckery
Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff
Topping from the Bottom
Daddy
Property Milestone
Dead Heat
Submissive power and the storms of life
I Talk A Lot, But Not About That
I Just Want To Be Me
What I Get Out Of Locking A Man in Chastity
BDSM and pick-up artists

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Socks and Sex
Marsala? The Color of My Panties? Who Knew?

Erotic Fiction

Short Strokes: Molasses Makes Me Horny
12 Step Homeopathic Remedy for Scorned Lovers
Alice’s Wonderland
Feel His Breath On Me
Out For A Walk
Playing in the Band
Braille
Coming Pretty
The Fall
Erotica After Hours
Dancing in the Dark

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Make Love to Me
I Used to Fake Orgasms. This is Why I Stopped

Poetry

Brigitta – A Lusty Limerick

Erotic Non-Fiction

With a very sharp knife
black bra and g-string
Debut
Meeting Slave Olive for a Cash Point Meet
LachrymoseWhen Two Doms Play…Fuck Tender!

 

 

 

ELust Site Badge

Cheeky minx
Photo courtesy of Cheeky Minx

Welcome to Elust #64

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #65? Start with the rules, come back December1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

On a special note I want to mention that the judges voting on Elust is often very close, this month more than most. You all do such fine work that it is very hard for us to come up with the final results.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Ownership: On Sexuality & Feminine Relations

Tool Time

Seven – A Fairytale of Sorts

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Love Letter of O
To My Single Submissive Friends – Be Brave

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
What S/He Said: Pressing Stop

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Writing about Writing

How We Talk About Play

Erotic Fiction

The Warehouse
Taking Chance
The Little Mermaid
Trick or Treat
Bad Sex Turns Good
Shall We Dance?
Let’s Play a Game (Spuffy Erotica)
Firemen

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A MakeLoveNotPorn Reality Check
Pondering Dildos as Art
Where does bdsm come from? Other species/
A Females Perspective on Extreme Feminists

Erotic Non-Fiction

Fucking on Facebook
A lot of Patience
Hands Away
Tall Dark and Handsome Pleasant Surprise
Torture His Balls. Tease His Cock.
Caning Sometime?
I Took my Pony Slave Shopping
Private Dancer
Earning Pleasure The Hard Way
At the Movies

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Finding Shelter in the Shadows.
My First Scarification
Q: “What’s stopping me from reporting owner?”
Squirting…Fact Not Fiction-Part 3

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Shiny Lesbian Syndrome
Communicate!
Losing it, asking for it
Celebration
How I Handle Being A Parent & Sex Positive
Sex as the most intimate performance
The crowded mirror
Sex Hangover

Poetry

Penisaurus – a Lusty Limerick

Blogging

Sex toys are NOT required for fantastic sex
My paint brush is empty.

 

ELust Site Badge

ELust Site Badge

 Welcome to Elust #41

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust.  Want to be included in Elust #42? Start with the newly updated rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft“My G-spot felt non-existent. My clit felt numb. The masturbation didn’t hold my interest, and my mind wandered.”

Baby Girl“You fill me with a desire to learn so that I can teach you. I push you to trust yourself as I trust you.”

Denial ““Not yet,” he says, pulling both of my arms back, leaving my clit screaming for attention.”

~ Elust Editress ~

 Dangerous Lilly

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Thoughts: Contractual Considerations

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Alley-Oops
Challenging Sexy
Open Me Up
How this blog started
Speaking of NRE

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

How to Pack for a Con
Rape Culture Rant
The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 1

Kink & Fetish

Ball Gag Safety For Beginners
Choose one word to describe yourself
Drool
Drawing out hurt
Dirty, Nasty, Perfect
Evolution of a new fetish: veiling erotic
It was always a trap…
“unnamed”
The Panty Loan
Watersports: Not As Easy As It Sounds

Erotic Writing

A Writing Challenge – Blindfold
about to be devoured
Blow Me Away
Girls’ Night Out
Hot Girls with Gay Bodyguards
Leaving You Wasted!
Lolita Twenty-Twelve, Part Sexeh and Sexbee
Questionnaire
Retrospective
Vampire girl #14

Last updated by at .