Handling jealousy in an open relationship

Do you remember all those images of the 1960’s, where sexual liberation was rife and people practiced free-love? These days people tend to refer to it as an ‘open relationship’, so the practice is far from dying. However the idea of sharing partners, or having your partner being with someone else can be too much to deal with; which is probably why there are only so many people who can actually handle that approach to coupling. It won’t take very long for feelings of jealousy to settle in; so how does one come to peace with such an ambiguous concept?

Sharing is caring?

You’ve most likely heard that saying before, but it mainly seems to apply to sharing money, food or other items with your friends. It can also apply to charity, where you pass along things that other people cannot afford. What most people don’t expect is for it to be relevant to sharing their actual partner. Let’s say your best friend hasn’t been getting laid in a while, would you be so generous as to suggest them they can have fun with your girlfriend or boyfriend? Most importantly, would your partner be up for it? It seems that for this to work, both partners have to be on the same page.

A mutual agreement

No one likes to be cheated on, but what if this is something you’ve discussed and agreed on? After all it is true that people can get bored of each other over time, and spicing things up can bring some life back into a relationship. It comes down to this, can you accept that someone else could give pleasure to your partner and have a good time with them, all the while not losing the love and respect your partner has for you. In other words, can you sleep around with other people and come back to your relationship afterwards? As long as you set some rules and boundaries, it could actually work.

Finding new partners

It seems that the key to having an open relationship is to make sure that you or your partner discuss what happens if you fall in love with your other lovers. So if you decide to have fun, maybe you should do it with people you don’t know so well; as opposed to getting your close friends involved. That way you will limit the amount of emotional involvement; and you will also keep your friendships intact. Ideally you will meet new potential partners when you go on a night out, or even approach people by using adult dating websites. You can find horny women near you, or even horny men, all it generally takes is to find the right site. This will all help to keep your fun at a casual level.

Still feeling jealousy?

Some people love to see their partner having fun with someone else, there is just something about it that makes us tick. It really depends on whether you are able to draw a line between your private emotional life and your sex life. If you trust your partner and you know they will stick with you, then you might not have to feel so jealous. Even though they are taking pleasure from someone else, you are still involved in the act so you are still part of the reason why your partner is having such good time. It is different from someone having an affair, where your partner would actually be getting pleasure behind your back without your involvement. You would therefore have good reasons to feel jealous, but in the case of sharing and doing it all out of your own free will; you can stay in control of it all. Let’s face it, couples could eventually get bored, so whilst you might not consider an open relationship just yet, maybe it will be a good thing to look into further down the line!

 

The art of flirting – confidence is everything

Flirting is the art of making someone feel good about themselves. It is a way of getting to know someone better to learn if there is a connection. Some flirt just for the fun of it with no intention of anything else and others flirt to seduce. For myself I find the best approach is to flirt with no expectations, I just dive right in and see where things go. No matter what your goal is it important to remember that flirting is meant to be fun!

Why does no one tell us?

Like so many other things we are not taught how to flirt, we learn from watching others, whether that is in person or from TV shows and movies and through trial and error. But none of those methods are a substitute for actual experience and you can fall into the trap of just repeating cheesy lines you have heard elsewhere. It takes confidence to flirt and flirt well, because the one thing that I can tell you for sure is that your efforts to flirt will often be rebuffed and if you aren’t ready for rejection you will be left feeling hurt. If you are confident in yourself you will find that suddenly it becomes much easier to approach someone else and enjoy the interplay.

 

Where and how ?

But how do you learn to flirt? It used to be that you had to flirt in person, you had to find other people and approach them cold and if you are at all introverted or shy that is a terrifying prospect. Luckily times have changed and you now have a whole world of flirting right at your fingertips. Social media has allowed us to connect with other people in ways we never dreamed possible. Places like Twitter or a sex chat site  allow you to connect with people virtually, express yourself and practice your skills.

 

A word of warning

An important note, it is very easy to be anonymous on the net, to create a completely fictitious person who represents who you wish you were, or who you think other people would like. I don’t recommend that you try this approach. If you find someone you really like and want to move from virtual to reality you will at some point have to come clean with your deception. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you find that they are not who they said they were? Be yourself and you will find those who have been looking for someone just like you!

 

We all have those bits

Remember that flirting is at its heart a way of communicating your thoughts and desires without having to come right out and say it. So save the pictures for later, no one is going to be impressed when your first message contains a graphic photo. Start slow, share your thoughts and observations on life and most importantly listen to (and remember) theirs. When the time is right they will let you know when that fun, sexy picture is desired. Subtlety is key; you want to talk about your interests and activities without bragging. Quiet confidence in yourself and in the history of your life will get you much further than trying to impress with the car you have, the people you know or how much money you make. That’s what Tinder is for.

 

Rejection and you

You aren’t going to connect with everyone you flirt with and how you react to that can make the difference between being welcomed and being shunned. No means no and that is a hard and fast rule. If the person who has sparked your imagination isn’t sparked by you, thank them for their time politely and move on. You don’t want them telling the people in their circles you are someone to avoid.

 

I have proof!

You might wonder if I have the credentials to speak on the topic of flirting and I think I do. My partner and I met in a online chat room. We chatted and flirted for many months even though we were separated by an ocean and after almost two years I moved across that ocean so that we could be together. We still are using the internet the same way today to flirt with each other even though we live in the same house. There were many other people that we flirted with on our way to finding each other and many we still flirt with today. So put yourself out there and you might just find that there are many looking for exactly what you are looking for, no matter if that is a hookup, casual dating or a lifelong relationship. It’s a big world and it is just waiting for you to dive in.

Just be honest, open and truthful and you will have a great time sampling the possibilities.

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So we have all heard about one night stands, you know those naughty encounters that only last for that one night only. Some of us have tried it before, even sometimes making it a lifestyle; whilst others still see it as a fantasy that they wish to happen. The truth is that getting laid with no strings isn’t the hardest thing to do, especially now that there are so many sex dating sites out there. But even though it sounds like something that happens on the moment, there are still a few things you should prepare yourself for. In other words: don’t rush to go to your first one night stand; instead try to prepare yourself for it. There are a few things you can do before the fact that will make you have a better time.

Tip#1 – Pick the right dating site

The first thing you will want to do is to make sure that you are searching for the right people in the right place. So if you’re using a traditional dating site, you might find that people reject your offers because a lot of those people are there searching for romance rather than sex. It might seem like an obvious thing to say but you’re better off looking around at all the different sex dating sites available on the web. Some of those sites specialise with certain niches such as BDSM, mature partners, or even local sex dating; so you need to pick up whichever works better for you. Local dating is good if you don’t want to wait too long, you might even be able to fuck tonight on Local Bangs or other sites like that one. But even if you have an opportunity to make things happen today, you will want to make sure you get a bit familiar with your potential future partner first. Which leads us to the next bit of advice.

Tip#2 – Get to know the people

Now you don’t need to know everything about a person before sleeping with them, and sometimes the less you know the naughtier it feels. But you need to make sure that at the very least, the two of you will have some kind of compatibility in bed. So chat away, talk about the things you want to do; your favourite positions and practices… and ask your potential partner about what they like to do. It is not just about you but also about the other person, and a few little naughty chats will allow the both of you to determine if it’s a good idea that you get together at the first place. Basically you don’t want to walk in there completely blind, instead you will have a good idea of how things will proceed and the two of you will be better off for it.

Tip#3 – Contain your horniness

It is perfectly understandable that you will feel all hot and excited when you’re starting to chat with someone online about sex. You feel all warm and fuzzy in many places of your body, with your blood rushing out of your head and into your other body parts. But here is the thing: you don’t really know who you are talking too yet. They are most likely genuine but they could be some scammer with completely different intentions than you think. When you’re feeling horny, you’re not the best judge of any situation. Now we’re not trying to kill your vibe or scare you against online dating. It is not just about spotting scammers but also about making sure that your potential partner wants to do things you are okay with. When you’re excited you forget to set the rules, and it is best to talk about what is acceptable and what is not. If you can keep it in your pants in the early stages, chances are you will be able to show more control later on in the bedroom.

You get the idea: failing to set things up is like setting yourself up to fail. It sounds harsh but a few conversations before the act can make the difference between a good one night stand and a bad one. You don’t want to have a bad one, it might put you off a very good thing!

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Sex and honesty

There are a lot of situations in life that put your honesty and integrity to the test, and sex is no exception. It might sound out of order, but a lot of people will lie to someone just so that they can get laid; that is simply the reality in which we live. The typical example is for people to pretend they feel love when all they want to do is to get down to the naughty business. Some people think it is okay to do this, but really it is not acceptable, and for many reasons. Some lies might be okay, but the ones that end up hurting people are the worst. The bottom line is: if you want sex then you should just say so, don’t go around messing with other people’s feelings.

Why do people lie?

The most direct answer to this is as follows: people think they cannot get what they want by being honest; instead they feel like lying gives them a better chance. This is why some people lie about themselves on their online dating profiles; with people going as far as posting a photo that is not even themselves. It is crazy that this is how some people think; and it can partly be explained by the fact that obtaining anything without cheating is always more difficult. People want to take shortcuts rather than make the effort it takes; but they don’t think about the consequences. The truth is that doing things the wrong way will always lead to complications further down the line. People lie to make things easier, but they will regret it when it backfires; because all actions have consequences.

The consequences of lying

When someone has deeper feelings for you, it can put them in a vulnerable position where they are susceptible to get manipulated. This is why lying about love is the worst thing you could do: you’re exploiting someone’s feelings to your ends without any worry on the consequences it will have on that person. You might just think: “it’s okay, they’ll get over it”; but trust us, they won’t. When people get hurt, they take all of that pain with them and they will often pass it back onto others. Basically, one the reasons it can be difficult to find a partner or even get laid is because they’ve been lied to in the past. The lies of someone else will have an indirect influence on other people, and it makes the world worse than it needs to be. If on the other side people where more honest, then a lot of us wouldn’t struggle so hard. More lies just make for a worst world to live in, and it couldn’t be truer for sex.

No need to lie

It is really sad that people think that lying will get them further with dating. These days if you want to get laid you only need to register to a sex dating site like sexwithnostrings and you will meet plenty of people that just want sex, no need to lie to them as they want the same thing you do. It is frankly weird that people feel they would have to lie when things are made so easy; and one can only assume that some people just feel naturally compelled to do so. Maybe it is because insecurities are firmly rooted within their personality, but this is exactly why things like sex dating exist. Sure you will want to omit a few of your more personal details so as to keep some anonymity, but you don’t need to lie about your intentions.

Change your ways

We understand that life isn’t perfect, and that you don’t always get what you want by simply asking. However we will say this: the more you lie, the more guilt you will feel, the unhappier you will be. Online sex dating is giving all of us a chance to be ourselves so you should give it a try. It’s never too late to do the right thing, and you have to forgive yourself for your past transgressions if you want to move towards a more positive lifestyle. So go online, and try to approach people by telling them what you truly want. Sure you will get more rejections as you won’t be telling people what they want to hear; but the people that get in touch with you will be in it for who you really are. It feels so much better to be successful when you are honest, it just feels right and the sex is even better for it. So be honest, it will get you further and you will feel great for it!

 

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