The art of flirting – confidence is everything

Flirting is the art of making someone feel good about themselves. It is a way of getting to know someone better to learn if there is a connection. Some flirt just for the fun of it with no intention of anything else and others flirt to seduce. For myself I find the best approach is to flirt with no expectations, I just dive right in and see where things go. No matter what your goal is it important to remember that flirting is meant to be fun!

Why does no one tell us?

Like so many other things we are not taught how to flirt, we learn from watching others, whether that is in person or from TV shows and movies and through trial and error. But none of those methods are a substitute for actual experience and you can fall into the trap of just repeating cheesy lines you have heard elsewhere. It takes confidence to flirt and flirt well, because the one thing that I can tell you for sure is that your efforts to flirt will often be rebuffed and if you aren’t ready for rejection you will be left feeling hurt. If you are confident in yourself you will find that suddenly it becomes much easier to approach someone else and enjoy the interplay.


Where and how ?

But how do you learn to flirt? It used to be that you had to flirt in person, you had to find other people and approach them cold and if you are at all introverted or shy that is a terrifying prospect. Luckily times have changed and you now have a whole world of flirting right at your fingertips. Social media has allowed us to connect with other people in ways we never dreamed possible. Places like Twitter or a sex chat site  allow you to connect with people virtually, express yourself and practice your skills.


A word of warning

An important note, it is very easy to be anonymous on the net, to create a completely fictitious person who represents who you wish you were, or who you think other people would like. I don’t recommend that you try this approach. If you find someone you really like and want to move from virtual to reality you will at some point have to come clean with your deception. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you find that they are not who they said they were? Be yourself and you will find those who have been looking for someone just like you!


We all have those bits

Remember that flirting is at its heart a way of communicating your thoughts and desires without having to come right out and say it. So save the pictures for later, no one is going to be impressed when your first message contains a graphic photo. Start slow, share your thoughts and observations on life and most importantly listen to (and remember) theirs. When the time is right they will let you know when that fun, sexy picture is desired. Subtlety is key; you want to talk about your interests and activities without bragging. Quiet confidence in yourself and in the history of your life will get you much further than trying to impress with the car you have, the people you know or how much money you make. That’s what Tinder is for.


Rejection and you

You aren’t going to connect with everyone you flirt with and how you react to that can make the difference between being welcomed and being shunned. No means no and that is a hard and fast rule. If the person who has sparked your imagination isn’t sparked by you, thank them for their time politely and move on. You don’t want them telling the people in their circles you are someone to avoid.


I have proof!

You might wonder if I have the credentials to speak on the topic of flirting and I think I do. My partner and I met in a online chat room. We chatted and flirted for many months even though we were separated by an ocean and after almost two years I moved across that ocean so that we could be together. We still are using the internet the same way today to flirt with each other even though we live in the same house. There were many other people that we flirted with on our way to finding each other and many we still flirt with today. So put yourself out there and you might just find that there are many looking for exactly what you are looking for, no matter if that is a hookup, casual dating or a lifelong relationship. It’s a big world and it is just waiting for you to dive in.

Just be honest, open and truthful and you will have a great time sampling the possibilities.

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