Handling jealousy in an open relationship

Do you remember all those images of the 1960’s, where sexual liberation was rife and people practiced free-love? These days people tend to refer to it as an ‘open relationship’, so the practice is far from dying. However the idea of sharing partners, or having your partner being with someone else can be too much to deal with; which is probably why there are only so many people who can actually handle that approach to coupling. It won’t take very long for feelings of jealousy to settle in; so how does one come to peace with such an ambiguous concept?

Sharing is caring?

You’ve most likely heard that saying before, but it mainly seems to apply to sharing money, food or other items with your friends. It can also apply to charity, where you pass along things that other people cannot afford. What most people don’t expect is for it to be relevant to sharing their actual partner. Let’s say your best friend hasn’t been getting laid in a while, would you be so generous as to suggest them they can have fun with your girlfriend or boyfriend? Most importantly, would your partner be up for it? It seems that for this to work, both partners have to be on the same page.

A mutual agreement

No one likes to be cheated on, but what if this is something you’ve discussed and agreed on? After all it is true that people can get bored of each other over time, and spicing things up can bring some life back into a relationship. It comes down to this, can you accept that someone else could give pleasure to your partner and have a good time with them, all the while not losing the love and respect your partner has for you. In other words, can you sleep around with other people and come back to your relationship afterwards? As long as you set some rules and boundaries, it could actually work.

Finding new partners

It seems that the key to having an open relationship is to make sure that you or your partner discuss what happens if you fall in love with your other lovers. So if you decide to have fun, maybe you should do it with people you don’t know so well; as opposed to getting your close friends involved. That way you will limit the amount of emotional involvement; and you will also keep your friendships intact. Ideally you will meet new potential partners when you go on a night out, or even approach people by using adult dating websites. You can find horny women near you, or even horny men, all it generally takes is to find the right site. This will all help to keep your fun at a casual level.

Still feeling jealousy?

Some people love to see their partner having fun with someone else, there is just something about it that makes us tick. It really depends on whether you are able to draw a line between your private emotional life and your sex life. If you trust your partner and you know they will stick with you, then you might not have to feel so jealous. Even though they are taking pleasure from someone else, you are still involved in the act so you are still part of the reason why your partner is having such good time. It is different from someone having an affair, where your partner would actually be getting pleasure behind your back without your involvement. You would therefore have good reasons to feel jealous, but in the case of sharing and doing it all out of your own free will; you can stay in control of it all. Let’s face it, couples could eventually get bored, so whilst you might not consider an open relationship just yet, maybe it will be a good thing to look into further down the line!


Modesty Ablaze Elust 97

Photo courtesy of Modesty Ablaze

Welcome to Elust 97

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #97 Start with the rules, come back September 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Confessional


Wrapped around his finger


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~


The Storyteller’s Conundrum

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Rainy Day Lover


*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Sleeping Beauty
Broken to Be ~ Part 7 – Conclusion
A good man, with a belt

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

The Scene That Almost Never Happened
Sticky fingers

Erotic Non-Fiction

The Art Class Model
Bondage Alfresco Style ~ Collared & tied.
Welcome Home Lazy Vanilla Lovemaking
The Happiest Place On Earth?


Burn Together

Writing About Writing

Smut Marathon 2.0

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sometimes I feel this is all I’m good for




Elust 88

The art of flirting – confidence is everything

Flirting is the art of making someone feel good about themselves. It is a way of getting to know someone better to learn if there is a connection. Some flirt just for the fun of it with no intention of anything else and others flirt to seduce. For myself I find the best approach is to flirt with no expectations, I just dive right in and see where things go. No matter what your goal is it important to remember that flirting is meant to be fun!

Why does no one tell us?

Like so many other things we are not taught how to flirt, we learn from watching others, whether that is in person or from TV shows and movies and through trial and error. But none of those methods are a substitute for actual experience and you can fall into the trap of just repeating cheesy lines you have heard elsewhere. It takes confidence to flirt and flirt well, because the one thing that I can tell you for sure is that your efforts to flirt will often be rebuffed and if you aren’t ready for rejection you will be left feeling hurt. If you are confident in yourself you will find that suddenly it becomes much easier to approach someone else and enjoy the interplay.


Where and how ?

But how do you learn to flirt? It used to be that you had to flirt in person, you had to find other people and approach them cold and if you are at all introverted or shy that is a terrifying prospect. Luckily times have changed and you now have a whole world of flirting right at your fingertips. Social media has allowed us to connect with other people in ways we never dreamed possible. Places like Twitter or a sex chat site  allow you to connect with people virtually, express yourself and practice your skills.


A word of warning

An important note, it is very easy to be anonymous on the net, to create a completely fictitious person who represents who you wish you were, or who you think other people would like. I don’t recommend that you try this approach. If you find someone you really like and want to move from virtual to reality you will at some point have to come clean with your deception. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you find that they are not who they said they were? Be yourself and you will find those who have been looking for someone just like you!


We all have those bits

Remember that flirting is at its heart a way of communicating your thoughts and desires without having to come right out and say it. So save the pictures for later, no one is going to be impressed when your first message contains a graphic photo. Start slow, share your thoughts and observations on life and most importantly listen to (and remember) theirs. When the time is right they will let you know when that fun, sexy picture is desired. Subtlety is key; you want to talk about your interests and activities without bragging. Quiet confidence in yourself and in the history of your life will get you much further than trying to impress with the car you have, the people you know or how much money you make. That’s what Tinder is for.


Rejection and you

You aren’t going to connect with everyone you flirt with and how you react to that can make the difference between being welcomed and being shunned. No means no and that is a hard and fast rule. If the person who has sparked your imagination isn’t sparked by you, thank them for their time politely and move on. You don’t want them telling the people in their circles you are someone to avoid.


I have proof!

You might wonder if I have the credentials to speak on the topic of flirting and I think I do. My partner and I met in a online chat room. We chatted and flirted for many months even though we were separated by an ocean and after almost two years I moved across that ocean so that we could be together. We still are using the internet the same way today to flirt with each other even though we live in the same house. There were many other people that we flirted with on our way to finding each other and many we still flirt with today. So put yourself out there and you might just find that there are many looking for exactly what you are looking for, no matter if that is a hookup, casual dating or a lifelong relationship. It’s a big world and it is just waiting for you to dive in.

Just be honest, open and truthful and you will have a great time sampling the possibilities.

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