Sex and honesty

There are a lot of situations in life that put your honesty and integrity to the test, and sex is no exception. It might sound out of order, but a lot of people will lie to someone just so that they can get laid; that is simply the reality in which we live. The typical example is for people to pretend they feel love when all they want to do is to get down to the naughty business. Some people think it is okay to do this, but really it is not acceptable, and for many reasons. Some lies might be okay, but the ones that end up hurting people are the worst. The bottom line is: if you want sex then you should just say so, don’t go around messing with other people’s feelings.

Why do people lie?

The most direct answer to this is as follows: people think they cannot get what they want by being honest; instead they feel like lying gives them a better chance. This is why some people lie about themselves on their online dating profiles; with people going as far as posting a photo that is not even themselves. It is crazy that this is how some people think; and it can partly be explained by the fact that obtaining anything without cheating is always more difficult. People want to take shortcuts rather than make the effort it takes; but they don’t think about the consequences. The truth is that doing things the wrong way will always lead to complications further down the line. People lie to make things easier, but they will regret it when it backfires; because all actions have consequences.

The consequences of lying

When someone has deeper feelings for you, it can put them in a vulnerable position where they are susceptible to get manipulated. This is why lying about love is the worst thing you could do: you’re exploiting someone’s feelings to your ends without any worry on the consequences it will have on that person. You might just think: “it’s okay, they’ll get over it”; but trust us, they won’t. When people get hurt, they take all of that pain with them and they will often pass it back onto others. Basically, one the reasons it can be difficult to find a partner or even get laid is because they’ve been lied to in the past. The lies of someone else will have an indirect influence on other people, and it makes the world worse than it needs to be. If on the other side people where more honest, then a lot of us wouldn’t struggle so hard. More lies just make for a worst world to live in, and it couldn’t be truer for sex.

No need to lie

It is really sad that people think that lying will get them further with dating. These days if you want to get laid you only need to register to a sex dating site like sexwithnostrings and you will meet plenty of people that just want sex, no need to lie to them as they want the same thing you do. It is frankly weird that people feel they would have to lie when things are made so easy; and one can only assume that some people just feel naturally compelled to do so. Maybe it is because insecurities are firmly rooted within their personality, but this is exactly why things like sex dating exist. Sure you will want to omit a few of your more personal details so as to keep some anonymity, but you don’t need to lie about your intentions.

Change your ways

We understand that life isn’t perfect, and that you don’t always get what you want by simply asking. However we will say this: the more you lie, the more guilt you will feel, the unhappier you will be. Online sex dating is giving all of us a chance to be ourselves so you should give it a try. It’s never too late to do the right thing, and you have to forgive yourself for your past transgressions if you want to move towards a more positive lifestyle. So go online, and try to approach people by telling them what you truly want. Sure you will get more rejections as you won’t be telling people what they want to hear; but the people that get in touch with you will be in it for who you really are. It feels so much better to be successful when you are honest, it just feels right and the sex is even better for it. So be honest, it will get you further and you will feel great for it!


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You’ve probably heard about bondage and domination before but you’re probably still curious about how it all works. That’s because it is such a different concept, and in fact a different way to have sex altogether. Television and movies have their own portrayal of BDSM but it generally isn’t all that accurate. Do to break it down simply, we will just talk about the two types of people who engage into this sort of practice: the dominators and the dominated.

The dominators

A lot of us spend our lives being told what to do, from our parents telling us off, going through school and being bossed around at work. We often feel that we have a lack of control over our lives. Sex is a great way to get on top of this, but sometimes just having normal sex doesn’t quite give us that opportunity to get proper control over the situation. This is the main reason why people enjoy the concept of dominating, it allows them to take control back over their lives. It makes sense, and we can start to understand why people enjoy dominating others, but what about people who like to be dominated?

The dominated

Unlike the dominators, dominated people want to be given orders. They want to lose control and relinquish authority to someone else, which might sound strange but there can be many reasons behind this. Imagine being this big company boss where you spend all your time giving out orders to everybody. You’re always in charge, nothing gets done without your say-so. You might just reach that point where you never get to enjoy someone else taking the reins, and you might well get fed up of always being the one in charge. What better way to give up this control than taking part in a BDSM relationship where you are the one being dominated? Most of us will at least sympathise with the idea that sex is all about taking you out of your everyday problems, and sometimes you have to do a little bit more to really switch off from your everyday stresses.

What about pain?

People often wonder why pain is such a central part of BDSM. The truth is that it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes people just role-play and make use of various uniforms. But there is often that element of pain which comes in, though it doesn’t have to necessarily be whips. People sometimes just do a bit of light spanking, or they even just discipline a person to do things for them, a little bit like a slave. But when it comes to pain, it is not as simple as people just hurting each other. There is actually a lot of trust between people who role play, and they make sure put boundaries to how far they can go. This is why code words, also known as ‘safe words’ can be used to indicate that the pain is too much. All these things are agreed before the start of the act. BDSM might look scary, but it can actually be more kind than normal sex.

Where to get started

Your best bet if you are curious about BDSM is to start reading about it, there are plenty of websites which can help for this, and as usual Google is your friend. Alternatively you can always join a BDSM specialized dating website such as, where you can then talk to people who enjoy this kind of practice. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to people to find out more about the things you are curious about, especially when it comes to BDSM. There are a lot of rules, things-to-do and things-not-to-do; and the best way to get familiar with it all is to reach out to the right people. Whether you are more on the dominating side or the dominated one, make sure to take your time. BDSM involves a lot of care and practicing, so it is essential that you get it right if you want a good experience for you and for your partners.


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The pros and cons of sex dating

Whilst sex dating is getting increasingly popular over the internet, a lot of us are still hesitant to give it a try. Some people might be a little too timid, whilst others simply believe that it can’t possibly work. It is understandable, after all getting laid isn’t always something that happens just by snapping your fingers. The idea that you can just message someone and have sex with them on the same day can sound a little too good to be true, but some people have found out that it can actually work. But before you try it yourself, there are things you should know about the good and the bad involved in sex dating.

The good – No attachment

Most sex dates work on a no-strings basis, meaning you have sex with the person then you move on and get on with you day. This emotional detachment allows you to focus solely on the fun aspects without worrying about the normal hassles involved in being part of a serious relationship. What it means is you have good and simple sex without any other care in the world!

The bad – Lack of emotions

Some of us just cannot handle the idea of having sex without some form of relationship involved. It just feels too impersonal and you feel you are treating people like meat. One night stands and hook-ups are not for everybody’s taste, some people need to add love into the equation.

The good – Easy to hook-up

Finding someone who wants to have sex is less complicated than looking for a lifelong partner. There are simply less requirements and you don’t need to agree on everything. Serious couples need to make sure they can have a future together, and that takes a lot. One-night stands on the other side just require two people to be sexually compatible; which isn’t much of a requirement. It is actually quite easy these days to find your fuckbuddy online, especially with all the sex dating sites available out there.

The bad – Less trust

Whilst you can trust your serious partner when they tell you they haven’t slept with anyone, you do not have that sort of control over your casual sex partners. There is no strings, meaning that they can sleep with whoever they want. It is therefore essential that you always have protected sex as much for your sake as for your partner’s good health.

The good – Naughty sex

When you’re hooking up with someone, you can end up having the naughtiest sex ever. You’re not in a family type of relationship and there are no kids running around the house. You can do what you want as long as your partner is up for it, and there is none of that looking-in-the-eyes whilst saying ‘I love you’. It’s just pure sex, and it can haunt your memories for a lifetime.

The bad – Sex is a bit impersonal

You’re being used for sex, so effectively you are treated like a walking penis (or walking vagina). Your partner could well be having sex with someone else so you’re nothing special. Now this doesn’t mean that you are not appreciated, but it’s definitely not as personal as sex during a serious relationship. Some people prefer it that way, so it ultimately depends on what you fancy…
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Elust #55 Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose

Welcome to Elust #55

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~


Why I Post Nude Photos (and blog about sex)

Discovering Myself Through My Strap-On

Sex Toy Shaming and Bigoted Wise Cracks, FTW!



~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aftercare and BDSM Play

Two worlds



~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Come Again
And When I Take You…..
Ride on the Night bus
Superotica Valentine – Day 1
The spelling lesson

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Please let me just say “no.”
5 Easy Mistakes to Make While Flirting
SexyLittleIdeas – The Woman in the Dark Alley
Treasured Property
Supporting Love and Freedom
Predicting My Own Future
Let’s Go Down Again
How to eat my pussy
10 (non-sexual) ways to be intimate with your
Permission to be Human: Granted.
Squirting: What Science Says

Erotic Non-Fiction

Date with V. (N. Likes)
Saving Movie Night
Wicked Wednesday: Nervous
The Painter
Stolen Moments Turn Into Treasured Memories
The Art of the Blow Job and Deepthroat
Stun Guns & Happiness
Fatal’s First Time (with a Hitachi)
First Session
Probation Officer #145: Bowre of blisse 9
Trust Games


you will ask Me to fuck your ass
Fish & Chips
This is not an invitation
Men I Have Known
My Storyyy (Trigger Warning)

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

More Than Whips and Chains
Being shouted at: kink or abuse?
Explaining violence and sex
Awww Yeah – Targeted Marketing!
Grass is always greener – swinging
Lazy Dog Sex Position

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections
Discovering My Sexuality
Pathologizing Male Aggression


Sex is…

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